Despite the affair, the couple stayed together and are currently closing in on their 23rd wedding anniversary. But for many couples, infidelity is the nail in the coffin. A study conducted by the Austin Institute found that unfaithfulness in a marriage accounted for around 37 percent of divorces in the U.
It's not an easy thing to heal from — but according to marriage and family therapist Amanda D. Mahoney , patients who find success staying together after someone cheats have one main thing in common: "There's a willingness to process the potential symptoms that may have contributed to the affair versus focusing solely on the act of the affair itself," she explains. That's not to be confused with justifying the decision to cheat by pointing to issues in the relationship as excuses.
But if you're able to get real with your partner on what hasn't been working — without playing the blame game — it's a good sign that your relationship has the potential to be repaired. In fact, it may not simply be repaired, but you may come out even stronger than before if you handle it the right way. For Grant, an author and journalist living in Toronto, packing up and leaving wasn't immediately in the cards.
Instead, she focused on her own healing with the help of a therapist , while her husband spent time in therapy separately. If both you and your partner want to take the necessary steps to heal from an affair, it can be done, but it's going to be a long road. Here are a few important actions to take together that can help repair your relationship.
This is the hardest step and will largely dictate whether or not you'll both be able to move forward. Amatenstein agrees. But couples who do decide to separate after an affair can still benefit from therapy, especially if they have children. SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional. Korin is a former New Yorker who now lives at the beach. She received a double B. Korin has been published in Read more. When I cheated, it became extremely obvious to both of us that they weren't being met, and just wishing that away wasn't going to work.
We both had to work on them. We check in on each other more, we make time for each other now, we go away together a couple times a year alone, we grocery shop together every Sunday. It sounds corny, but it makes a difference. We're like a team now, whereas before we were just two people who happened to live together.
It's a clear violation, and like any violation, you have to deal with it, you can't just pretend it really wasn't that big of a deal. Do you have any advice for other people coming out of this experience? You've got to be always communicating that with your partner or your needs will go unmet, and that can create an environment in which cheating is more likely to occur. You can't ever control or be responsible for someone else's behavior—it's madness to try.
If someone wants to cheat, they will. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are inadequate as a partner or have done anything wrong. Deciding to stay with your partner or not—well, that's a decision you really need to make on your own. But in either case, forward motion is essential, even if you're feeling extra stuck right now. Your official excuse to add "OOD" ahem, out of doors to your cal. Become an Insider. Enter Email Address. Facebook Pinterest Twitter Youtube Instagram.
I t's not easy to heal after being cheated on—after all, everything about infidelity is powerfully painful. It doesn't matter if it was a one-time indiscretion, a series of micro-flirtations , an emotional affair , or finding out your partner has a secret family in Toledo. Whatever shade of infidelity you're dealing with, it's totally natural to feel a sense of betrayal, anger, and grief.
Among the many other emotions that can arise when a once-solid relationship's foundation is tested. Related Stories. Tags: Relationship Tips. Loading More Posts
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